Today was filled with mixed feelings...one of those days where I just really didnt know exactly how I felt. This time next week, I will be on an airplane headed to Beijing. Can you guess the feeling? Excited...absolutely! A little anxious for sure, but not enough to trump the excitement. Today was also the day when all the teachers from Westbrook went back to school for in-service and to prepare for school starting on Thursday. This is the first time in 7 years that I am not getting ready for a new school year to begin at WCS. I love that anxious feeling right before school starts (along with my annual back to school dreams where the kids are completely out of control! haha!). I love the excitement of getting my class list and writing their names on everything. And of course, for those of you who know me, you know I love organizing the kids school supplies :) So, naturally, that all comes with a little sadness. Please dont misunderstand me though, I am 110% sure that I am supposed to be at Maria's and I would not trade that to go back, but as with anything you love, there is always that hint of sadness. I am sure I will be experiencing that "butterflies in my stomach" feeling soon enough, just in a totally different context!
One of the most difficult things I think I have had to balance mentally these past few months has been the sheer excitement I feel along with the realization that it really is okay to be sad. It's okay to be sad to leave my family, my friends, and the places in which I feel most comfortable for a place that is completely new and unfamiliar, with people I don't know (who also don't know me), and a culture that I have never experienced. In fact, I think there would be something wrong in not feeling sadness. But in that sadness I don't ever want to give the impression that I am not excited. The excitement I feel in my heart when I think of holding those sweet babies. The excitement I feel when I think of building new friendships with people half-way across the world and being able to serve with them. The excitement of playing, singing, hugging, and just loving on precious children. And even once I am there, in the excitement of it all I know there will be sadness. Sadness over missing those I love. Sadness over the lives of precious children.
So, here's to shedding a few tears in exchange for the sweet smiles to come.
Beautiful! We are so excited about your journey but also feel the mixed emotion of wanting to keep you with us! So thankful to have your blog to share in your experiences!
ReplyDeleteProverbs 14:13, "Even in laughter the heart may ache, and the end of joy may be grief." It's okay to have both...joy and grief. It is in the midst of that beautiful tension where God often speaks most clearly. Praying for you sweet friend!
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