Homesick: adj. longing for home and family while absent from them (Webster's Dictionary)
I have avoided this word like the plague since I've arrived in China. I don't know why, but I feel as though associating myself with this feeling will make me somewhat of a weaker person or will make others question whether I should be here. In reality, is it's not weakness or doubt, it's just human. If we have meaningful relationships, we will long for those relationships when we are absent from them.
I have felt like an emotional mess this week, mostly on the inside. Little things that would normally not bother me or upset me have. Last night as I scrolled through numerous updates on Facebook I read update after update about cooler weather, carving pumpkins, apple cider, and I almost lost it. The first word that came to mind was nostalgic. When I looked this word up to be sure I was using it correctly, here's what I found:
1. the state of being homesick
2. a wistful or excessively sentimental yearning for return to or of some past period or irrecoverable condition
So, there it is. I guess homesick it is. Of course I miss people; but I also miss autumn, and pumpkins, and changing leaves. I love this time of year in Alabama. I love the "freshness" it seems to bring, the beauty of the season, the "crispness" of the time that right now I am nostalgic for. As I looked out of my window this morning, it was just gray. Gray sky, gray buildings, and gray smoke coming from somewhere. There are some green trees outide my window and dispersed throughout the gray, but how I would love to see the reds, and purples, and oranges, and yellows of the season right now.
As I mentioned before, I have tried to avoid this word because I feel as though it implies that I want to go home, but I don't. I know I am where I need to be, where I am supposed to be, and most importantly where I want to be. But in that, I know I also need to give myself some space to grieve the things I miss, the things that mean something to me, to realize it's okay to be sad over missing people, places, and things without the assumption that I don't want to be here.
Hey Rebecca! Love to you my friend. Praying His enormous love will encompass you during this homesick time. Cade memorized this verse and the promise makes me think of you. Psalm 89:28 I will maintain my love to you forever and my covenant to you will never fail.
ReplyDeleteCarin
Oh Rebecca, I am praying for you! I am SO glad Leanne, Robin, and Laura are going to be with you during the Christmas season! Remember we are all with you in spirit and you are in our prayers! Love you!
ReplyDeleteDear One, I'd be worried if you WERE NOT missing Alabama and all that home entails. We surely miss you. Even while we are thanking God that you are being obedient to the fulfillment of His will for you at this season, we still miss you like crazy. I am grateful you feel comfortable enough with God and with us that you can express these emotions without worrying what someone might think or how you might be handling 'God's wisdom' in selecting you for this awesome ministry. I think you are encouraging others by being very honest, even in the not so 'inspirational' moments....all these go in together to make you YOU and YOU are the one who responded to HIS nudgings. So, as much as I hate to think of you experiencing these emotions, I love thinking of what that means - the LOVE you give so freely is now being lavished on those precious babies. Keep on!
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