A sweet homecoming

This past Tuesday I returned "home" after a week long visit to Hong Kong and Beijing. As nice at it was to be away for a few days and enjoy time with friends, I didn't anticipate the pure joy I would experience upon being back at Maria's. The minute we pulled in to park, I saw a few of my kids looking out of the window as they normally do when a car pulls up. The looks on their faces was priceless. I didn't make it too far in before I just dropped my stuff so that I could go see their sweet faces and kiss their cheeks.

The following morning in preschool, they were exceptionally excited. Although I have felt "at home" for most of my time here, this time it felt different. It was just this overwhelming and peaceful feeling of belonging with my sweet babies.

This week we also had the chance to celebrate Thanksgiving together as a "family" (complete with our Beijing turkey). Although the kids were not involved in the actual meal, it was such a blessing to have them as a part of my Thanksgiving day. Being away from home on this day was harder than I anticipated it would be, but getting to see their faces throughout the day made it not seem quite as sad, and for that I was thankful.

Here are just a few shots from the week...

Turkey in Beijing, check

Turkey on the plane, check

 

Turkey in Luoyang, check

Thanksgiving essentials

Thanksgiving rice crispy goodness

Two sweet faces that can bring a smile to any day

Our MBH family, plus a few, minus a few

 Lastly, from our home to yours...

Martha vs. Mary

Most of us are fairly familiar with the story of the two sisters, Mary and Martha, in the book of Luke. They are visited by Jesus and His disciples and while Martha is frantically preparing for her Guest, Mary sits at His feet and simply enjoys His presence. After some time, Martha asks her Guest to rebuke her sister for not helping her. I am sure much to her surprise, His response was not to rebuke Mary, but rather His gentle response to a busy Martha was "My dear Martha, you are worried and upset over all these details. There is only one thing worth being concerned about. Mary has discovered it, and it will not be taken away from her."  (Luke 10: 38-41)

I feel as though the Martha and Mary in me are in constant battle with each other; I have to confess Martha usually wins the battle. I have a tremendously difficult time being still when I know there are things to be done. I am not condoning laziness at all, but there are definitely times to work and also times to be still. Most of the time in neglecting the stillness, I am also neglecting that thing that Mary found which her Lord would not take from her, and that is time with Him and time with others.

This hit me particularly hard a few weeks ago. We had some guests come to MBH on Halloween to visit and play with my preschoolers. We decorated cookies, painted faces, blew bubbles, chalked. Great fun had by all. That night as I looked back at some pictures from the afternoon, it hit me. I was so busy running around during that time, that not once did I sit down and decorate a cookie with one of my kids. That thought really saddened me because I know they will probably not remember me running around snapping photos, making sure everything was just right, etc; they will remember the time spent with that person decorating their cookie and enjoying it with them.  I love to take pictures and I love being able to do things like this for others, but for some reason that instance hit me harder than any others have about cherishing that time with people and cherishing their presence over worrying over every little detail and making sure things are “just right.”

This past week we had a medical team from California come to operate on several of our children. It was an absolutely crazy week. There was so much to do that I found myself rarely sitting down. One thing I did try to be intentional about though was stopping to see the pre-op babies each day, sometimes even several times a day. This little guy in particular was one whose crib I spent quite a bit of time by. As I would sit and hold his hand, kiss his little head, or just look at his sweet face, I was reminded of the why behind my running around; but as I spent more and more time with him, running around just didn’t seem that important when I could just sit and spend time with this precious hurting child.

As I return back to Maria's this week, I hope this small lesson will stick with me and that I would cherish the time I have with each of these precious babies, the time that I have with my friends/co-workers, but most importantly the time I am able to have with my Father. There will always be things that need to be done. But in the end, I believe it will be the presence not the work that will be most remembered.

By these scars

About a month ago I was playing with one of our kids with CHD (congenital heart defect). I was tickling her and as I went for her neck, she pulled down on her sweater exposing part of a scar that runs down the middle top half of her torso. As I caught a quick glimpse of it, my heart crumbled. This little girl, not even two years old, has experienced more physical pain than I probably have in my 29 years. It broke my heart for her.  Later on as I thought about it, I was reminded that it was through this pain and through this scar that healing was brought to her heart. Literally. If she didn’t bear the scar, she wouldn’t bear the healing that came through receiving that scar.

I was again reminded of that last week. We had a surgical group from California come and operate on 11 of our children. Several times each day, I would go into the post-op room to see the children. As I stood by their cribs, most slept, while some cried or whimpered in discomfort and pain. As I held their small hands or stroked their heads, the emotion of it all overwhelmed me time and time again. To see these children in pain was so difficult. As difficult as it was, I was again reminded that the pain they were presently experiencing was a part of the healing they would hopefully receive.

I guess that is how it is in our own lives. Sometimes we don’t understand why we have to go through times of pain (not necessarily physical), but it is often during those times of pain that our Father can bring healing into our lives and into our hearts.

Surgeries, stress, and the kindness of strangers

I feel as though to say the past couple of weeks have been crazy would be an understatement. The craziness would explain my lack of blog posts, and if you've emailed or messaged me and I haven't responded, pull up a comfy chair and let me fill you in...

Surgeries...

The first weekend in November brought a surgical team with an organization called Mending Kids International, based out of California. They brought a team of 18, comprised of about 8 medical staff and 10 volunteers. Throughout their week at Maria's they performed much-needed surgeries on 11 of our babies. We are so grateful for their work. The week brought very early mornings, late nights, and very full days in between. It was my first experience with a medical team since I have arrived at MBH, it was also probably one of the hardest weeks physically, mentally, but especially emotionally.

As much as I interact with our children, I honestly forget sometimes that they are sick. To me, they are just kids and its not that I am in denial that most of them have serious medical needs, I just don't think about it often in my day-to-day interaction with them. This week, however, was different. I would go into the recovery room numerous times a day to check on the babies. While most of them slept post-op, from time to time I would catch one awake and I would just sit by their cribs with their ayis. As I watched them, my heart was overwhelmed with emotion time after time. Although I knew the pain they were experiencing was for good, it was hard to face that without being face to face with suffering. And suffering now had a real face and a real name, and that face was staring right back at me. All I wanted to do was hold them, kiss them, and somehow assure them that everything would be ok.

By the end of the week the recovery room had almost cleared and most of the babies were able to return to their nurseries. There were three little ones left, and one in particular would cry every time I got near his crib. This particular evening he was extra fussy so I finally just decided I would go over and pick him up. When I did, he placed his head on my shoulder, curled up in my chest and was silent. His ayi then told one of the volunteers that was in the room (who spoke Chinese) that this particular child didnt like foreigners, which explained why he cried each time I got close (I wouldnt like foreigners either if they had poked and prodded me!) I cherished this moment with this sweet baby and was so grateful that God allowed me to have that time with him.

Following the medical group, we had two other smaller groups that came for day visits back-to-back.

Stress...

In the midst of all of this, the time was coming for me to renew my visa (I am on a 1-year tourist visa but am required to renew every 90 days by exiting the country). This would involve a trip to Hong Kong, something I didn't put a ton of thought or planning into, expecting it would be easy; people do it all the time. Well, that unfortunately didnt turn out to be the case for me.

I can say this in hindsight because I am now safely in Beijing visiting a friend, but basically the morning I was leaving, everything fell apart. I had a one-way train ticket to Guangzhou, which is a 2 hour train ride out of Hong Kong, but my plans for accomodations had all fallen through. The morning was spent scrambling to find some connections. Thankfully Laura was able to connect with a friend from college (whom she had not spoken to in years) who has lived in Hong Kong for a while. He called me about 10 minutes before I left for the train station and assured me that everything would be ok and just to rest. At that point I knew that once I got on the train, there was nothing more I could do to plan and I just had to trust.

I am quickly learning that making plans and living in China don't go together very well. And for you who know me, you know I am a planner through-and-through. I was very frustrated at myself that everything was so uncertain for this trip, but then I also had to realize that had I had it all figured out it probably would have still fallen apart at the last minute. One of my friends here refers to it as "The China Variable". Besically, for any plan you have, you better have 3 or 4 more plans to back it up because something is bound to go wrong somewhere along the way.

The kindness of strangers...

During my few days in Hong Kong, as frazzled as I was, one thing that kept standing out to me were strangers, kind strangers. I departed Luoyang on Tuesday afternoon by train...23 hours on a train to Guang Zhou. Needless to say, I got quite a bit of sleep and was able to catch up on some reading, writing blogs (to be posted) and honestly, I just sat and stared out the window much of the time. When I arrived in GZ, the train station was chaos. Thankfully a friend had told me I would have to switch stations and a kind worker who spoke English told me which metro lines to take (just a side note, when I arrived at the GZ East station, the first thing I spotted...you probably could guess...Starbucks. It was in the most unlikely of places, but I guess God knew I needed to see that familiar sign in such an unfamiliar place). While at the train station in GuangZhou, there was an Australian man who walked me through what to expect there (including customs). Upon arrival in HK, as I tried to figure out where to best get a taxi, a lady walked up and asked if I needed help. Why yes, yes I did. I finally arrived at Crossroads and was greeted by Laura's very kind friend Josh. He was incredibly helpful the following day in helping me know what buses to take to get to the center of the city. While in the city waiting for a bus, it started to pour. I had a rain jacket as it had been sprinkling all day, but as it started to rain harder and harder, a kind girl in front of me told me I could stand under her umbrella.
As small as these little gestures were, I knew they were reminders from my Father that He was caring for me, even when it seemed like things were just crazy.

Today as I retold my "adventure" to a friend, her first response was "you are brave, that doesnt sound like fun at all to me." And you know what, to be honest, it wasn't fun. I was scared, I was nervous, I was stressed; but despite those things, it was good. It was good for me to be stretched in that way, to learn I could do it, but also that I can count on people. It was good for me to go into something without a plan. Not having a plan makes you have to trust, and I learned that is something I am not very good at. I am good at having things all figured out, or at least appearing that way, and when they don't, it unnerves me. Even when I cannot see the step in front of me, my heavenly Father has my steps ordered. That's not to say I won't vear from time to time, but never so far that He will lose track of me.

Surprisingly, I did not take many pictures in Hong Kong (as there's a good chance I will have to return), but this was one of my favorite things there. Being a former British colony, they drive on the opposite side of the road...I was grateful for these reminders on the street, but even though it said "look right" I still couldn't help but look left too before crossing (that "look both ways before you cross" has been ingrained in me!)