My heart and my faith

I have been putting off writing this entry for a while (or any entry for that matter...maybe a touch of writer's block?). I'm not really sure why I've put it off, I think part of it is a desire to do it with just the right words and in just the right timing; another large reason being that I would love to be able to tell many of you myself in a more personal way, but living half-way across the world with such a huge time difference makes phone conversations few and far between.

I will get to the point as to not keep you in suspense, then fill you in on the details... I am sure this will not come as a surpise to many or most, but I have committed to stay here at Maria's Big House of Hope for another year (Yay! Yay! Yay!)

A few months back, my dad posted something on his Facebook page that has really stuck with me. In a link to my blog, he stated that I had "followed my heart and my faith to China." I could not have worded it better myself. It was the desire of my heart to work with orphans as well as my faith in Jesus that brought me here, and both my heart and my faith have been stretched and challenged here in ways I never imagined.

Back at the end of December, about a day after my friend Laura arrived, I got a call from Mikey on his way home to the U.S. asking me if I had thought any more about staying beyond August. He would ask me this periodically, but never needing a direct yes or no. This time though, he explained that there was someone inquiring about the preschool position and that if I was leaning towards leaving in August, that they would like to know so that they could consider this other person. My immediate inner response was "Of course I am not ready to go!" but he wasn't requiring an answer right then and was just giving me a "head's up" that they would need to know sometime in the next month or so. The timing could not have been better in that Laura was there and it was really good to process through that with her. Laura's immediate response was "I don't see you being ready to go anywhere in August." My thoughts exactly, but it was nice hearing it come from someone else's mouth.

A few days later Robin and Leanne arrived. One of Robin's first comments (while still at the airport) was "I've already resigned myself to the fact that you're not coming home in August." At this point, she didn't know that I was in the process of deciding to stay. Having three people that know me well and know my heart affirm what I was already feeling was such a gift. And for them to see it was so meaningful.

At that point, we had set Chinese New Year as the date for me to confirm whether or not I would stay. I didn't need that long at all. It wasn't a day or two before Mikey got back that I was ready to tell him I wanted to stay... so staying is the plan! At this point, it will be through summer 2013, but ultimately, it's as long as the Lord provides for me to be here. I believe that as clearly as He showed me to come (and stay), He will just as clearly show me when it's time to go.

My hesitation in sharing it has by no means been from lack of excitement. I wish I could share this with all of you individually, but doing so might take quite a while, so this will have to do for now.

I read this quote a few weeks ago by a girl serving in Uganda:

"People from my first home say I'm brave. They tell me I am strong. They pat me on the back and say 'Way to go. Good job.' But the truth is, I am not really very brave; I am not really very strong; and I am not doing anything spectacular. I am simply doing what God has called me to do as a person who follows Him. He said to feed His sheep and He said to care for 'the least of these,' so that's what I'm doing, with the help of a lot of people who make it possible and in the company of those who make my life worth living."

 -Katie Davis

That is very much how I feel. I don't feel brave, or strong, or spectacular; in fact, most days I feel selfish that I get to spend my days in the company of these children; they truly do make my life worth living. And I get to do so because God has allowed it and because of the help of many of you, through your prayers and support.

So here's to what's ahead... :)

Thank you, HFC

To my wonderful family at Harvestfield Church- many, many thanks!

Through so many sweet gifts, you have blessed me and our children here at MBHOH. Just to name a few of those gifts...

SLEEPERS- This was a personal favorite and it was so fun to get to personally deliver these to our sweet babies. Here are just a few snapshots...

 

KISSES- Thank you for the hundreds of Hershey Kisses you sent for our ayi's Christmas gifts. After a day of baking (Laura was a trooper) we were able to give each of our 250 ayis a gift bag with homemade cookies and Hershey Kisses.

HATS- Thank you, Dianne Davis, for making some warm hats for my preschool kids. They loved them!

 

 

PARTY SUPPLIES- Thank you, Meg Davis, for sending Christmas goodies to decorate for our Christmas party, as well as the cookies and icing for decorating. The Ring Pops were a really big hit!

 Lastly, and most importantly, thank you church family for your support in sending my sweet friends to me this holiday season. It's still hard to believe that they were here in China with me. What a gift to be able to share my "world" with them; my home, my friends, the food, the culture, the sites, and most importantly these sweet babies that I love so very much.

Planes, trains, and automobiles...

Let's not forget buses and taxis, and the occasional scooter ride!

The past two months have been a whirlwind, to say the least. Busy, crazy, friends and on-the-go filled months. I am currently sitting at the airport in Hong Kong waiting on a flight to Beijing. I am just here for a few hours...long enough to say I've exited China and am good for 90 more days. I almost feel like I have spent more time on planes, trains, buses and other modes of transportation than in my own room. But it has been good. Busy, but good.

In the busyness of the past few months, I have not done a very good job of keeping up with my blog. So, here's a glance at the past few months in photos of going to and fro...enjoy :)

December...

In December, I met a new friend who also works in orphan care in a nearby town. She came for the weekend and we took the bus a few hours one day to visit Shaolin Temple, home to Kung Fu. The views from here were pretty amazing.

Pagodas

December also brough three much-welcomed Christmas guests to China!!

After a few days at MBHOH, Laura and I boarded the overnight train Beijing to meet up with Leanne and Robin

Quite cozy and we lucked out and got our own cabin!

Visiting The Great Wall

These views never get old. Amazing.
Well, I guess technically they are old,
so I guess I should say it doesn't get old to see them :)

What's China without pandas?

And what's Beijing without a trip to Starbucks?
I love this picture because it's some of my sweet friends from home meeting some of my new friends in China

 January...

The big adventure this month was a weekend trip to Harbin, where they host an ice festival each year. We went in time to celebrate the Chinese New Year. Happy Year of the Dragon!

Meet the sleeper bus

Harbin Tiger Reserve

Snow Park

Ice and Snow Festival

February brings two more friends to China. They are en-route right now and will arrive tonight. We will do the Beijing sites tomorrow, Great Wall on Friday, then fly to Luoyang Friday night to welcome them to our home sweet home. So excited! :)

It has been really neat to see how God has provided for me this winter in many ways that I didn't even know I needed. One of the things Mikey told me about before I came (well, maybe it was more like "warned" me about) was that the winters in Luoyang have great potential for feeling very lonely and isolating. Thankfully that has not been the case this winter. I am grateful that He has filled what could potentially have been a very difficult time with visits from friends and time spent with new friends here.

The view from here

It's often cloudy. Every now and then we get a glimpse of sunshine, or even a week of sunshine, but for the most part, it's cloudy.

We have a lounge/living room across from my bedroom on the 6th floor. It has huge windows and on a clear day you can get a great view of downtown and the surrounding areas. It's rare, but it's good. This morning as I walked out of my room, the sun was shining so brightly through those windows that it was reflecting in the hall. It caught my attention enough to go take a peek.

As I looked out the window at the clarity,  I thought about the fact that this is much like my own mind. My "view" here is different than it's ever been before, and it is good, but more often than not, it is still clouded. On certain days, I get glimpses of clarity, but on most days, it's just clouded. It's clouded by worry, anxiety, fear, selfishness, jealousy...the list goes on.

I have been in a clouded "funk" the past few weeks and although glimpses of clarity come, it's not long before I cloud them out again with an unkind thought or word, or worrying about tomorrow, or today for that matter.  As Paul says in Romans, the things you don't want to do, you do, and the things you want to do, you don't; it is sin living in me.

But maybe, just maybe, it is in that cloudiness that we are able to get clarity. If it weren't cloudy, we wouldn't know the clarity. It's in our sin that we see our need to recieve grace. If we didn't see the sin, then we wouldn't see the need for grace.

I do not understand what I do. For what I want to do I do not do, but what I hate I do. And if I do what I do not want to do, I agree that the law is good. As it is, it is no longer I myself who do it, but it is sin living in me. I know that nothing good lives in me, that is, in my sinful nature. For I have the desire to do what is good, but I cannot carry it out. For what I do is not the good I want to do; no, the evil I do not want to do—this I keep on doing. Now if I do what I do not want to do, it is no longer I who do it, but it is sin living in me that does it. So I find this law at work: When I want to do good, evil is right there with me. For in my inner being I delight in God’s law; but I see another law at work in the members of my body, waging war against the law of my mind and making me a prisoner of the law of sin at work within my members. What a wretched man I am! Who will rescue me from this body of death?
Thanks be to God—through Jesus Christ our Lord!
Romans 7: 15-25

Knitting, anyone? (Or crochet?)

Calling all my knitting friends and friends of friends...
(*crochet pattern added below)

If you love to knit or know someone who does, I'd like to ask for your help with a project we are working on for our nannies here at Maria's Big House of Hope...

Each year our nannies (called "ayis") are given a small Christmas gift from the staff as a thank you for caring so well for our babies. These ladies truly do pour so much love into those that they are called to care for.

This past fall I was sent several pairs of knitted slippers from a friend and our ayis love them. I thought it would be really neat to give them each a pair this coming Christmas. I know it sounds way too early to start thinking of next Christmas, but we will need 250 pairs, so I wanted to be sure to get a head start.

*Here's where your help comes in...*
If you knit, would you consider helping us by commiting to knit some slippers? It can be 10, 20, 30...100...whatever you would be willing to do between now and November. I am attaching a few photos and can email you the pattern if interested. You can get as creative as you would like with the colors. If you don't knit but know someone who does, please feel free to forward this info along.
(Crochet pattern: http://www.bernat.com/pattern.php?PID=4739&cps=21191)

 

If you could email me by February 15th and let me know if you would be willing to help and how many you would be able to make, I would so appreciate it! Email: beckymc121781@gmail.com

Thank you!!!

(The other pictures were taking forever to upload...

email me if you want to see more sample pictures)

Close to Home

One of the things I found most overwhelming during my first few months here was the vast number of children that live in our home. My desire was to get to know each one, to know their names (their Chinese names, not just their English names which are easier for me but not what they know), to know why they are here and get to know their unique and individual personalities. I found myself so discouraged when I just couldn't do it. At least not in the time frame that I thought it should happen.

I think I finally realized that I couldn't get to know them all at once. It was going to take me spending intentional time in each nursery to do so and in time, the familiarity would come. Not all at once, but room by room and child by child.

There are several rooms I used to walk into where some of the kids would just cry. This hurt my heart because to me it meant that these children still saw me as a "stranger" in their home. But something began to change about a month ago. All of the sudden, those children stopped crying. They now wave and smile, some will walk (or crawl) over, and blow kisses when I leave the room. As simple as this seems, it's been such a gift. Almost like God speaking through them, reassuring me of my home and my place here; that I belong. I feel an extra close bond with these children because I feel like I almost had to "earn" their trust, whereas others have given it quite freely. It wasn't until they began to see me week after week, month after month that they finally realized I was here to stay and that they could trust this no-longer stranger.

I do use the word "home" loosely because I know that this will not be my home forever. No earthly dwelling will be my home forever. But I do believe God gives us glimpses of what Home will be like, and some places just "feel" more like home than others. I feel like this is one of those places for me. It is a place where I see and feel and know Jesus clearer than I have ever seen, felt, or known Him before. I can't help but look at the faces of these precious children and know that they have a Father who knows them and loves them deeply.

A few weeks ago, as we held some sweet babies, I shared with some friends that were visiting that if Jesus were in physical form here with me, this would be the place where we would be together. We wouldn't be at a coffee shop, we wouldn't be hiking, I don't think we'd even be in America. I think we would be right here and He would be on the floor holding, tickling, wiping noses and giving kisses. I know that "place" of being with Jesus would be different for everyone, but for me, it would be here. I believe He would love to be here. I believe He is here and He loves being here.

Merry Christmas from MBHOH!

Merry Christmas from MBHOH!

From our big blue home to yours, Merry Christmas!

In lieu of Christmas cards this year, here's something way better. Click on the link above and enjoy seeing some of the sweet faces we get to see, love, hold, and hug each day. Thank you for your continued prayers, support, love, and encouragement, not only for me but for these sweet babies. As you see these precious faces it wont be hard to see why this just feels like home.

Merry Christmas and Happy New Year!